Poket Monster Sighting!

Lately, all across the glorious island of Japan, sightings of strange creatures have been appearing more frequently than Bigfoot and the Mothman combined. They leap out from grass patches, swoop down from the skies, and commit such acts that, in the past, were considered witchcraft by the priestesses and monks. These creatures are the real life Poket Monsters (Pokemon).

Local resident of Kyoto, Kanda Udon, spotted a large, brown rodent running around with a skull on its head. Other people gathered around it and eventually captured the creature in an attempt to remove its burden, only to discover that it was quite attached to its head. They called the local authorities and soon the news broke out: Pokemon were real.

They've been around since the beginning of time, but kept from the public by the Japanese government for fear that they would cause mass chaos. "These...mystical creatures that can create tidal waves and earthquakes in the blink of an eye...they just aren't fit to be in normal environments," stated scientist Nanashi Nogombe, head corporator of the PPP (Protecting Pokemon Program). "We keep them in highly secured areas," he told us, "and they have plenty of room to live peacefully and to battle." Were these scientist experimenting on these creatures? Were the games all true? Can they really be controlled and forced to battle? We had to know. "We have never conducted such tests!" Nogombe answered, seemingly offended by such questions. He told us that those games were simply old legends that erupted from the sightings of the magical creatures. "Though, were we to perform such ghastly experiments," Nogombe continued, "we would discover that the creatures are much too dangerous to control and thus must remain separate from the public." We questioned him no further.

When the comparison of the game Pokemon and the real ones, the real ones sadly came up short. Literally. The scientists suggest that they were once bigger, but due to global warming some have shrunk drastically in size. There is also less "Pika" and more "GRAAAG" that we shall have translated for you on a later date. We suspect that it is due to an unfortunate mutation or mixed breeding, as most of these animals seem to all make these disgruntled noises.

Little is known of these creatures, as the government is still preventing information from leaking out and our resources are currently being held hostage. However, many movements have popped up over night to free the Pokemon, open zoos for them, exterminate them, eat them, etc. Despite the lack of knowledge known at this present time, we shall keep an eye out for any more information leaked to the media and for our interviewers that mysteriously disappeared almost twenty-four hours ago. Just remember, be on the look out for our little friends, for not all can be captured. Also remember: all those kids you used to make fun of when you were in highschool that played with those Pocket Monsters, they are the only ones who can save you when the Monsters rebel. You have been warned!

(Brought to you by Platypus Press, issue 0, April 1st, 2010)

Kid's Choice Awards...or is it?

You know, usually, I would say that the media doesn't trust kids to make what they would consider the right decisions and, therefore, just use this a front to promote whatever they wish while children think that they mattered. However, there were just some results that made me think that these people were actually crazy enough NOT to rig the voting! nickelodeon, you may or may not have my respect.

Now, you may be wondering why on earth a girl who is about to go to college is watching such a show, when she never watched the Grammys, Oscars, etc. Well, first of all, I was busy when those were on, and last night...I had nothing better to do. The main reason, however, is this: Children need to be watched. When we retire, these are the people that will be ruling the world...we need to make certain that they do not divert from The Path. This is the way that we can be certain if they are making the right decisions...if not, god knows what the world will come to in the future...

Now then, the results...
Winners
Who I wanted to win
Who I thought would win*

Host: Kevin James
Performances by: Rihanna (ah yeah) and Justin Beiber (who the hell...)
Slime Stunt: Apollo Ohno (booyaaaa! It was great..they catapulted him...he looked like a leaping deer or something! XD it was great, go watch it)

Cutest Couple:
-Edward and Bella*
-Jacob and Bella
-Neytiri and Jake
-The Obamas

I love being wrong. This shows that the children are doing well. They picked the better man (who doesn't sparkles and actually has realistic characteristics and, omg, FLAWS!), very good children. I did not expect them to be mature enough to pick the Obamas, and I doubt many kids were actually allowed to see Avatar, so this will do for me...good...

TV Show:
-iCarly
-Sonny with a Chance
-The Suite Life on Deck
-Wizards on Waverly Place*

Oh look, the only Nickelodeon show on the roster won...what are the odds...but I don't think any of these shows are totally dreadful, so this is fine...but still...Nickelodeon....hmm hmm hmm....

TV Actor:
-Joe Jonas*
-Nick Jonas
-Cole Sprouse
-Dylan Sprouse

Geez, talk about battle of the brothers...Once again, LOVE being wrong. A Jonas did not win, there is HOPE! Those twins are so cute. Dylan went up there, called his brother a goober, then said something to the effect of being glad that there were people out there still watching besides his grandmother. Cute.

TV Actress:
-Miranda Cosgrove
-Miley Cyrus*
-Selena Gomez
-Keke Palmer

YES! Ha ha! Love that Gomez girl, she's a spunky kid. I don't know if it was fake crying or real crying when she accepted the award, but I'm either thinking that the kid is one sly dog or, aw....



Music Group:
-Black Eyed Peas*
-Coldplay
-Jonas Brothers
-Linkin Park

Was there any doubt? I mean, really?

Female Singer:
-Beyonce
-Miley Cyrus
-Lady Gaga
-Taylor Swift*

Okay, now the kids are havin' problems...they need to get they're music right...but there is time...I know I strayed from The Path in my youth when it came to the music...but that was short lived and I came back...Come back, little children...

Male Singer
-Jay-Z
-Sean Kingston*
-Mario
-Ne-yo

I know nothing of these people and therefore can say nothing. All I know is "Replay" and that is all.

Song:
-"I Gotta Feeling" by Black Eyed Peas*
-"Paparazzi" by Lady Gaga
-"Party in the USA" by Miley Cyrus
-"You Belong with Me" by Taylor Swift

Once again, the chillin's need some help here, but it's not totally lost...could have been worse *cough*Cyrus*cough*, and I didn't exactly hate that song...after the tenth time hearing it...but I honestly don't' see how the girl is so famous...except perhaps that whole incident with West, but still...



Movie (or sequels/prequels to movies? I mean, look at 'em):
-Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel
-Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
-Twilight: New Moon*
-X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Oh....my....god....Hope, my friends, THERE IS HOPE! This is a sign, chipmunks must be worshipped, because THEY BEAT TWILIGHT (I'm going to ignore the fact that they also beat Wolverine)! Ha ha! The people who accepted the award even came back to the podium and said, "And to Twilight, sorry," with the biggest smirk ever. I now MUST see this movie. It deserves praise. Good children, GOOD! *tears up* I'm so proud!

Movie Actor:
-Zac Efron
-Taylor Lautner*
-Shia LeBeouf
-Tyler Perry

I am not surprised, in the least...and I am okay with this, he's not a bad actor...and is probably one of the only reasons that people went to that movie....to see him shirtless...if you look, you can see his arm muscles through his jacket...it's kind of creepy...



Movie Actress:
-Sandra Bullock
-Miley Cyrus*
-Megan Fox
-Zoe Salanda

Man, I had kinda hoped that a bunch of teenage boys would vote and get Megan Fox to win (though she probably didn't deserve it, Salanda or Bullock probably did), but alas, they failed and LOOK what happened! We had avoided this and now I'm disappointed in you guys! Shame, children, SHAME! It was funny to watch Katy Perry (one of the presenters, who go slimed) chase Cyrus around though...

Cartoon:
-The Penguins of Madagascar
-Phineas and Ferb
-The Simpsons
-SpongeBob SquarePants*

Don't watch any of these, so I can't really find myself to care...kids are kids...

Reality Show:
-American Idol*
-Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader
-So You Think You Can Dance
-Wipeout

Kids will always love watching people make utter idiots of themselves, and then getter snarky insults for making idiots of themselves. Good job, children.

Female Athlete:
-Danica Patrick*
-Misty May Treanor
-Serena Williams
-Venus Williams

Don't really know anything about any of these women...Treanor was in the summer Olympics and Serena does some voice acting (like The Last Airbender). Olympics are good though, so the kiddies are good to go.
o.

Male Athlete:
-Kobe Bryant
-LeBron James*
-Ryan Sheckler
-Shaun White

What, what, WHAT? What's wrong with you fools? Shaun White is an Olympic man! Parents, make your kids watch the Olympics! They need to know of these gods!

Video Game:
-The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks
-Mario Kart Wii*
-Wii Fit
-Wii Sports Resort

They're video games...all decent...can't go wrong...but we must remember, this is not the Zelda age...it is a sad, inconvenient truth...

Book:
-Diary of a Wimpy Kid
-Twilight*
-The Vampire Diaries
-Where the Sidewalk Ends

You know, I think Twilight might finally be dying....it got beaten by a wimpy kid! Ha ha ha! Good job, kiddo. Good job too, kiddies.

Animated Movie:
-A Christmas Carol
-Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
-Monsters vs. Aliens
-Up*

Yay yay yay...love Up...so cute...I encourage it to ALL.

Voice from an Animated Movie:
-Jim Carrey (A Christmas Carol as many many people)*
-Seth Rogen (Monsters vs Aliens as B.O.B)
-Ray Romano (Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs as Manny the Mammoth)
-Reese Witherspoon (Monsters vs Aliens as Susan Murphy)

Impressive guy, Carry is...well done.

---


So, over all...I was impressed...a few flaws here and there, but those can be fixed...ah yes, my children, I am impressed with you all! Now, I think this is quite long enough, so I shall end it.

Happy the Day Virginia Woolf Committed Suicide Day!

Or not...I'm not that sick...let's just celebrate her awesomeness...go read Mrs. Dalloway...it's awesome...

The End of the World

It's the end of the world, as we know it...and I feel fiiiiine....

And the mothmen are the omen.

So, spent today watching documentaries on the History Channel. The first was about the mothman. A large being that is half man, half moth....no, seriously. Apparently, it swoops down from the tops of bridges with its long wing-span and up to 8-ft tall height. Main thing: its large, red eyes. Do I believe any of this? Well, I believe that these witnesses believe that they saw a mothman, but...no. Knowing the human mind, they probably just saw red eyes, large-ish wing-span and, by hearing similar reports of a so-called mothman, exaggerated their view in their own mind into thinking that this was indeed a man/moth. But, quite honestly, I think it was probably just a large barn owl. Those guys have some pretty wickedly large wings and their eyes glow red with in the light, so it is very probable that, in the dark of the night, this was what people interpretted to be the mothman. Some of the people in these towns (mostly West Virginia, if I'm not wrong) believe that the sudden spike in mothman appearances is due to the end of the world...I say it's just more proof of the power of mass-paranoia...

But, speaking of the end of the world, I watched about four hours worth of documentaries about Armageddon, the Apocalypse, and general prediction of the world's doom. While we have jumped and avoided many dates that have signaled our doom (supposedly) there are still many more to come! And, for your own paranoia and mental instabability, here is a list of some of the upcoming, possible doomsdays:

-2010: August-November
-2011: May 21 (the rapture), October 21 (earth consumed in flames)
-2011: November 11 (because it'll be 11-11-11....because 1911 doesn't count)
-2012: December 21-22, Winter solstice (Mayan/Aztec prediction, three eclipsed moons, etc.)
-2014: (predicted by Pope Leo IX...no clue why though)
-2016: (disease will kill us all off...can't wait)
-2023: (apparently some clue from Daniel 12:12-13)
-2024: (meteorite...'nough said)
-2028: (asteroid...though scientists now say that it will miss us...but not by much)
-2030: April 7
-2034: (covenants will be equal by years...but not really...this is flawed)
-2038: (massive starvation, floods, extinction, etc.)

There are also predictions in 2060 and 2076...next couple of years will be so much fun...then again, there's a doomsday theory for just about every year, so it shouldn't be surprising. Of course, many Christians believe that Armageddon is already before us, due to the war in the Middle East, starvation that is apparent everywhere, and the increased amount of diseases. These correspond with the Four Horsemen that are to come, as predicted in the Book of Revelations: war, plague, famine, then death. Actually, since we're already in a state of unrest and quarreling, will apparently have a mass influx of disease in 2016, and then starvation in 2038, maybe this is true...who knows...but I'm gonna say that our doom is in, oh, how about 2040? That'll give us some time, right? Wasn't really planning to live that long anyways.

Then there are also the factors that the earth is changing, it always is, which causes natural disasters, changes in temperature, etc. The dinos were wiped out, were due for our own as well, I suppose. I doubt it'll be in our lifetime, but then again, what do I know? Nothing, really.

Currently watching Independence Day...maybe our end will be aliens...what's actually in Area 51? One must wonder...looked at it on Google Earth once...nothing but buildings. I'm thinking there are...weapons of mass destruction! Actually, that's probably not too far from the truth (it'd have to be something that the US wouldn't want other countries to know...or the population in general, for it could cause mass chaos...). Aliens, weapons, biological/chemical/etc. warfare...or maybe it's a brothel, who knows. It's probably better that we just don't know...but we all want to.

Well, this has been fun...just remember all you Catholics (ha, this includes me! Not really...), when all these people are in pain and suffering, dying left and right, screaming in agony, rejoice! For YOU will be saved! (some priest actually said something to this affect...apparently, when the world is in peril, everyone who BELIEVES will be saved! Yes, let's screw the rest of the world and be saved!....bitches). No, I'm not ragging on Catholics, that'd be a tad hypocritical, I'm just ragging on the self-righteous ones...actually, I'm ragging on self-righteous religious people in general...none of you can be perfectly right, okay? Not possible. You should all just watch Dogma and laugh. THAT, I believe, is the true belief...not the Catholic parts of the movie, but the morals in general....love it...I need to watch it again...

Hope everyone had a lovely St.Patrick's day! I celebrated by dancing to folk music...with a metal/rock theme...ah yeah...and I had a cookie...a green cookie...with sprinkles...yummy....

Happy Leprechaun day, folks...

Millipedes, Birds, and the Curse of Prom

First thing I shall address: millipedes.

While flouncing through the house yesterday, I saw my cat, Buddy, looking very intently at a plant my mother had brought in from the cold months ago. Expecting him to be, as is normally the case, looking at something only he himself can see, I plopped down next to him and got down low, cheeks together with his as the cat and I stared at the plant's pot. Then I lurched back, horrified, and screamed. Surprisingly, not loud enough to scare the cat away, but enough to cause him to give me a questioning look. In the pot were five, FIVE, little worms with dozens of legs and crawling around...larva lookin'...*shivers* Now, I'm certainly no girly girl and don't particularly care if there are bugs in the house or not. Spiders are fine, especially the web-making ones (they eat bad bugs!), moths are lovely, and I think silverfish are just adourable! But those things....oh, they were awful...*shivers again*

Told mother the plants had to go outside. NOW. They were producing things not meant to be in the house! She pouted and argued, but relented. Oh, those poor poor plants, she muttered, they're gonna wither in the cold. All the while, she is wearing a t-shirt and shorts. Oh yeah, they will soooo freeze. *rolls eyes* Those precious little plants are breeding vermin. They must go. And so they did. Creepy little creatures...remind me of a nightmare I once had...perhaps that is why I disliked them so much...(my god, I sound like the annoying teenage girl I should be! I'm kinda proud..and yet equally disappointed)

Second thing: Birds are evil.

So....woke up this morning...to the birds chirping...at the freaking crack of dawn. Yeah, normally I wouldn't care, because that's when I usually get up....when I'm going to school or work. But this, my friends, is spring break. This means I sleep in as much as I can, even if it's only until eight or nine, I'll take it. But no, the birds wanted me up at sunrise. Here is what happened:

Three chirps. Pause. Three more chirps. Pause. Three chirps. Elizabeth appears at the window. Chirps. Elizabeth bangs on the window. Pause. Three more chirps. Elizabeth opens the window. Pause. Chirps. Elizabeth screams at them to shut up before she gets out a shot gun. Pause. Three more chirps. Elizabeth screams even louder, allowing echoes about the section of houses placed closely together and filled with old, retired people. She threatens to throw her cat. Pause. Three more chirps. Elizabeth loses her patience (because she hadn't before, obviously) and begins to throw pencils at the tree outside her window. Scuffling. Birds fly into the air. Pause. Silence. Elizabeth lets out a sigh of relief. She looks out the window again. A trash lady looks at her as if she has lost her mind. Elizabeth closes the window.

Every time, three goddamn chirps. Three is a demonic number, you know. And sadly enough, I'm pretty sure that trash lady has seen me in weirder moments. She shouldn't be so surprised anymore, but I always seem to do it. She really shouldn't look at my window...actually, she should just avoid the house, honestly. Next week, she'll probably just grab the trashbags and run...

Now then, lastly: prom dresses are the bitches of the female world....well, one of them, anyways...there are many...

Went shopping with the girls for prom dresses...which was fun...but not while trying on dresses...I'd have to wear a jacket with just about any of them (unsightly scars and scratches on the back and arms...not something people would need to see ^_^). But what I wanted was...a princess dress. Why? Because I can. And I got it. Well, actually, one of my friends had it...and it only took three hours to discover that this indeed would do just fine...but oh well. It was fun. I suggest everyone to go to all the retail/thrift/etc. stores with the craziest stuff you can find and try that stuff on with a group of friends...it's a riot. XD

But yes, it's a princess dress! It's black and poofy and all I need is a crown, a thrown, and a sword. And a castle in the icecaps...and people to invade the castle...Foolish mortals! And I'd go out into the snow, dress flowing, and slice people to ribbons. Then my girlfriend would come swooping down on a Pegasus while wearing a chain-mail dress and swinging an axe (while wearing the poofy dress, this was the image my friends came up with...I just did the moves...). And our prom theme? Candy Land. What are we? Licorice, apparently. I hate licorice, but this could make me like it. Can't think of any other black candy...oh, I need black gloves...no clue where to get those...oh well, have a month...

Well, while I'm screaming from millipedes and birds are screaming from me, I shall feel like a warrior princes...no, queen...wait, lets push this up a little, GODDESS! *lets out an evil laugh, following with a string of coughs* Yeah, been doin' that lately too. The laugh and the cough.

Always remember, when you go to heaven, all those interesting people won't be there...then again, birds won't be there either...weigh your options...personally, I'm shooting for Purgatory...and planing on chaining myself there...if you've read my quote above, I'm not really on great terms with either of those guys...:D

Who knew?

So, wow, who knew I would actually ever start a blog, right? But others were doing it, right? I mean, why else do people follow their friends when they jump off bridges? Because it's fun. Why else would they be doing it? Suicide? I've lost my point.

The main reason I'm starting a blog? Well, that is an EXCELLENT thing to ask, my readers who do not yet exist! (do I actually think anyone will read this? No, I believe that is doubtful...this can be like my own personal little diary of nonsense that, if someone were actually psychotic enough to read it, well, good for them! Share the insanity! Oh dear, I'm afraid I've become...something....ah well). Back to the point. My reasoning? First, I adore talking about myself. Who doesn't? And this is a world where I can say anything I very well please and no one will know any different...then again, why would I lie? Who would honestly care if my life was boring? Besides, I don't enjoy lying...I prefer half-truths...you know, not lying but not really giving out the entire story that is intended...or stealthily avoiding certain topics that, for all purposes, will not even be mentioned on this blog, for that would be entirely counter-productive! Anywho, I digress.

My second reason? It looked entertaining. I have no life, but perhaps this will give the impression that I indeed do, who knows? Oh my, I'll have to come up with codenames for all my friends...that'll be fun. I could use deviantART usernames...nah, that's no fun, no fun at all...such amusement this whole ordeal could bring!

Well, my third reason? Twitter. That's right, Twitter! Do you know how insane that little site is? I made an account on their ages ago, but never bothered to actually post anything. Throughout this past year, people kept...faving me and watching me! People, I might add, I do not know. Okay, that'd be all well and good, if I actually posted every once in a while! Who are you people and why do you find my blank page oh so fascinating? Have you been to my DA page? I actually TRY at that! But, no, apparently my art just isn't as cool as my blank white page of wonder. And what are you guys doing on that site every day? Telling people what you're doing right then and there, in one sentence? Who's idea WAS that? I tried to rant about how ridiculous I thought it was on my own account and got cut off in my first sentence because it went over 140 characters! Seriously, what the hell? How can I tell you what I'm doing, how I feel about it, where I am, etc. in 140 characters? I can't. I am very talkative on the internet and as such must chatter on and on, and with correct grammer, punctuation, capitalization, and spelling! Proper English, I dare say! Oh, but Twitter discourages this completely! Honestly, it's worse than texting! My texts allow 160 characters! (and you sure as hell better believe I'm just as anal about my proper English there too!)

Now then, I could tell you a little bit about myself, this being my first post and all...I could, but I won't...why? Because I've already told you three main things, silly! First, I like to talk about myself! Second, I like to spend my time doing entertaining things that, honestly, have no true value! (but are not entirely pointless and in more than one sentence!) And lastly, I believe that Twitter is ridiculous and despise improper English, while also enjoying a good rant (which is probably what this blog will amount to being: a collection of rants). What more must you possibly know?

P.S. Happy Pi Day, folks! (Ya know, 3.14....March 14th...would have been awesome in 1592...or at 1:59 today...either way...the latter probably more likely...)