Poket Monster Sighting!

Lately, all across the glorious island of Japan, sightings of strange creatures have been appearing more frequently than Bigfoot and the Mothman combined. They leap out from grass patches, swoop down from the skies, and commit such acts that, in the past, were considered witchcraft by the priestesses and monks. These creatures are the real life Poket Monsters (Pokemon).

Local resident of Kyoto, Kanda Udon, spotted a large, brown rodent running around with a skull on its head. Other people gathered around it and eventually captured the creature in an attempt to remove its burden, only to discover that it was quite attached to its head. They called the local authorities and soon the news broke out: Pokemon were real.

They've been around since the beginning of time, but kept from the public by the Japanese government for fear that they would cause mass chaos. "These...mystical creatures that can create tidal waves and earthquakes in the blink of an eye...they just aren't fit to be in normal environments," stated scientist Nanashi Nogombe, head corporator of the PPP (Protecting Pokemon Program). "We keep them in highly secured areas," he told us, "and they have plenty of room to live peacefully and to battle." Were these scientist experimenting on these creatures? Were the games all true? Can they really be controlled and forced to battle? We had to know. "We have never conducted such tests!" Nogombe answered, seemingly offended by such questions. He told us that those games were simply old legends that erupted from the sightings of the magical creatures. "Though, were we to perform such ghastly experiments," Nogombe continued, "we would discover that the creatures are much too dangerous to control and thus must remain separate from the public." We questioned him no further.

When the comparison of the game Pokemon and the real ones, the real ones sadly came up short. Literally. The scientists suggest that they were once bigger, but due to global warming some have shrunk drastically in size. There is also less "Pika" and more "GRAAAG" that we shall have translated for you on a later date. We suspect that it is due to an unfortunate mutation or mixed breeding, as most of these animals seem to all make these disgruntled noises.

Little is known of these creatures, as the government is still preventing information from leaking out and our resources are currently being held hostage. However, many movements have popped up over night to free the Pokemon, open zoos for them, exterminate them, eat them, etc. Despite the lack of knowledge known at this present time, we shall keep an eye out for any more information leaked to the media and for our interviewers that mysteriously disappeared almost twenty-four hours ago. Just remember, be on the look out for our little friends, for not all can be captured. Also remember: all those kids you used to make fun of when you were in highschool that played with those Pocket Monsters, they are the only ones who can save you when the Monsters rebel. You have been warned!

(Brought to you by Platypus Press, issue 0, April 1st, 2010)